Peter Parker's Guide to Surviving High School
by MichaelSmitherman1
Summary: Peter Parker is a quirky, socially awkward 15-year-old going into his freshman year of high school. As he experiences everything for the first time, he decides to give us a tips guide on how to make it through high school without much anxiety or stress. Oh, he also has superpowers, but that's a minor detail. (This story will be updated frequently. More chapters soon to come.)
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

Before we start with this, I should note that you should NOT take my high school survival advice as 100% concrete fact, nor should you consider me anybody else besides a typical kid. I'm only a 15-year-old socially incompetent child who's obsessed with narrative storytelling, as well as a bunch of other things. I'm just trying to write my experiences down and hopefully provide some advice to those who are worried about high school, even though I'm pretty sure nobody will read this besides me.

And before anyone asks, yes, I got this idea from _Ned's Declassified: School Survival Guide _(that show was a classic, by the way), but this is for high school, and done by an introvert.

I have always been told by adults that high school is the hardest thing in life, and that middle school is nothing like high school. And then I hear from older friends & relatives that high school is essentially identical to middle school, except the teachers don't care what you do.

Today is the day I find out.

I will fully admit: middle school wasn't my favorite time in life. And when I say that I really mean that I hated every moment of it. 90% of homework exists purely to consume your precious time, your classmates all act like idiots (and yes, they CHOOSE to act like that, which is even more frustrating), and you are put down by teachers for ANY "inappropriate" language, even if you didn't mean anything from it. (I made a stupid joke once about dying. That does not mean I want to die.)

I did not excel in middle school, and basically crashed and burned in eighth grade. I couldn't handle the workload, nor could I understand it. I could never hear anything at the back of the class, especially with all my classmates lacking the ability to shut up and pay attention. The teachers also were… not great. They weren't bad people by any means, but they clearly weren't paid enough.

So yeah. Now I'm sitting here in my advisory waiting for school to start.

So how do I feel about this transition into the "most defining" point in my life? I really couldn't care less. But apparently I should care, and I know there's people that are really worried about it. So that's why I'm creating this guide.

There are four other kids in the room, and more start to flood in. After five minutes there's around twenty kids in the room, almost all of which I've known for years, and hardly ever spoken with them. Which leads me into High School Survival Tip #1:

TIP #1: Don't try and make friends, and you'll be happy. Friends will come to you. If you don't actively seek them out, you're less likely to make enemies.

My advisor starts taking attendance. She's a younger teacher; I think this is her second year teaching. She seems friendly, but doesn't seem the most comfortable with her job.

"Peter Parker?" She asks. I quietly raise my hand, and set it back down without a word. I don't want the attention. Unlike…

"Flash Thompson?" Flash raises his hand, and says "Yo."

I've known that kid since second grade, and while we used to be "friends," he eventually became the definition of a peaked-in-high-school douche, and we've barely even started high school. He's actually quite smart, as I believe he got into almost all Honors classes, but he acts very obnoxious and can't seem to shut up. It's come to the point where just looking at him makes me angry.

My advisor starts going over the rules. Essentially the rules are this: don't do drugs, don't bully, don't wear exposing clothing, don't do drugs, don't cheat, don't do drugs, don't leave class until the teacher dismisses you, don't do drugs, etc.

I've heard that Midtown High has a bad drug problem. I honestly never had the urge to do drugs, but I keep hearing about people doing that crap. And it makes me wonder if _I'm_ the one that's weird for _not_ doing it. I heard stories from people in middle school about kids vaping in the bathrooms, which I have a really hard time believing. Maybe I'm just out of the loop.

And that leads me to Tip #2:

TIP #2: Don't do drugs. And if you do, be smart about it and don't do it at school.

I look at my schedule. I have P.E. first thing in the morning, followed by Spanish, English, Study Hall, and Film (I'm actually really happy Midtown has a film course), all before lunch. Unfortunately, this means that I have Biology, Geography, and Algebra I at the end of the day. Those are supposed to be the hardest classes, and after lunch I am almost always wiped out and ready to go home and die.

Well, RIP my GPA.

I will be completely honest and tell you that the beginning of my day was pretty boring. The bulk of it was teachers presenting PowerPoints to tell the class who they are, and occasional obnoxious behaviors from Flash. (Or at least the classes I share with him. Honestly it feels like I share every class with that prick.) Luckily, the bell dismissed to go to lunch before I could hear much of him.

If you're wondering what lunch is like at Midtown High, it's probably worse than yours. I decided not to eat today, mostly for fear that I'll get food poisoning. Oh, that leads me to Tip #3.

TIP #3: When in doubt, DON'T eat the lunch at public school, unless you're really hungry. (That said, I was never easy to please with food, so take my word with a grain of salt.)

For a split second, everything gets louder. I can hear every conversation going on, and I begin to sweat. A lot. My hand starts to shake, and I feel someone touch my back.

My whole body shivers, and I turn around. I see my best friend since kindergarten.

"...you okay, dude?" Harry asks. "I didn't even touch you."

"Yes you did." I felt it.

"I was trying to jump scare you, but apparently you're psychic. Have you visited a doctor about this?"

"In fact I have."

"Clearly he didn't do a good job checking you out."

Harry sits down besides me.

"So, you have any homework?" Harry asks.

"No," I respond. He seems surprised.

"Aren't you in all Honors classes? Why do I have homework and you don't?"

That is actually a good question. In my experience it just has to do with who the teacher is. I generally prefer more discussion-based classes as opposed to the "busywork" classes. But apparently they're some people who actually PREFER to do written work, which I don't understand.

"I hate my English teacher. She's giving us a quiz at the end of the first week," Harry says.

"You have to do a quiz in school? That's so terrible," I say sarcastically. I never understood why people stress over quizzes so much. I would much rather have a quiz every week than have homework every night.

"Not everybody is as smart as you, Pete," Harry says, somewhat sarcastically, but I can tell a hint of hurt in his voice.

Harry is an interesting person. On the surface, he's an awkward nerd like me, but a bit more douchey. We bonded over both being social outcasts in kindergarten, and have been friends ever since. Unlike other kids in my class, I can tell he has some personal issues, though I haven't ever had an in-depth discussion with him about it. I don't want to call him "disturbed," as that's too extreme, but I can clearly tell there's something more there than what I can see.

Harry and I talk for maybe two minutes before lunch is dismissed, because the education system doesn't understand that it takes more than five minutes to eat lunch.

TIP #4: Don't waste lunch time, whether you're spending that time eating or interacting with friends. It's the best way to keep your sanity.

I would have talked about the rest of my day in more detail, but there's not much to talk about. So I'll just summarize: high school is like middle school, except everyone has (mostly) gone through puberty.

I walk home, energy-drained. I finally make it to the door, and realize I forgot my house key. (I keep doing that, and it's really a problem.) I try to _lightly_ knock on the class door.

I hear the class crack. I merely tapped it, and the glass cracked.

Damnit. Why does this keep happening to me?


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

"Peter, we need to take you to a doctor."

"Aunt May, it's fine."

"You broke our door. Twice. You need to get this worked out." My aunt clearly isn't backing down.

"Aunt May, please. I don't want this to be a big deal."

"Peter, you need to stop being so stubborn. We're going tomorrow. And that's that."

"May, I can't-"

"No. You're going."

I decide to not have a fight with her. Honestly, I would take any opportunity I can to escape school. But the reason I'm hesitant to go is because I'm afraid they might find something…. _wrong _with me.

"I just don't understand what's happening," my aunt says. Though I'm sure she's heard in the news, and suspects I'm one of _them_. And I don't know what we would do if I were one.

So I went to the doctor today, and it was…. weird. A lot of it was just waiting around while nurses came in and out to ask questions and draw blood. When the doctor came (which by the way, am I the only who notices that the nurses almost ALWAYS do more work than the actual doctors?) it was a weird interaction.

The details are a bit rough, but here's how I remember the conversation going:

"So, Mr. Parker, what appears to be the problem?"

I look at Aunt May, who pressures me to speak.

"I'm…. strong."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"I accidentally ripped out my aunt & uncle's bathroom door."

The doctor shows concern. "Okay… when did this start?"

"Over the summer."

"Did anything happen prior to this issue that you would consider to be abnormal?"

"I don't think so."

I'm pretty sure the doctor didn't believe me at first. To summarize, he checked my reflexes, and I kicked him hard before he even whacked my knee with the stick thingy. (I don't know what it's called.)

After the fact, he seemed mortally terrified of me while interacting. Long story short, my lab results come back in a week or so, and I'm supposed to check back in with them in a month.

So yeah, that was awkward. After the fact I tried to convince May to drive me home, but apparently education is more important than happiness. So now I'm sitting in my Biology class, waiting for the day to be over.

As is every day during sixth period, I'm tired, hungry, and just want to go home. Biology is actually quite interesting to me, contrary to everyone else in my class, but I only wish it were earlier in the day. It also is pretty work intensive, and it's only the second day.

My teacher, Mrs. Meredith, seems to be done with life. (Maybe having kids wore her out. Or maybe it was her students. Probably both.) She tries, but overall teaches in a bored manner. She also is a bit too relaxed with kids doing whatever they want in their classroom, which leads to things like a group of "popular" girls in front of me checking their Snapchat and talking endlessly.

Before I go on, I feel this is an issue I need to address: nearly a decade of going to school has made me realize that "popularity" is not an actual thing. Or at least its not as big of a deal as one might think. You see, I think it all comes down to who you make friends with. If you're naturally more extraverted and outgoing, than you'll make friends with people who get naturally more attention than those who keep to themselves and don't talk much. It also is worth noting that the more "popular" people (i.e. the more outgoing kids) are more likely to join athletics, which gets far more recognition in the school compared to fine arts, where weirdos go (this is something I might talk more about at a later time).

So yeah, its not so much about how well you're liked as much as it is what clique you join and how often you put yourself out there. It's just an issue I felt the need to address.

Anyway, the girls in front of me are really distracting, especially when I'm trying to learn. Instances like this make me hate "popular" people, but everyone has their issues I guess.

I want to try and tell them to stop, but I really don't want to come across as annoying. (I'm afraid people already think of me negatively.)

A soft, timid voice speaks "hey, can you guys quiet down?"

My heart races, and I see Gwen Stacy looking at them annoyed, adjusting her glasses. I look away, hoping isn't looking at me, but at the same time hoping she is looking at me.

They didn't hear her, and continue talking.

Gwen has always been a bit shy, but from what I can tell she is the brightest student in this school. I feel sorry for her, because she never gets recognized. I would try and become friends with her if I didn't have a creep vibe going on.

Okay, I'll admit I have a minor crush on her. And by that I mean that I think of her roughly six to eight times a day. And I'm kind of embarrassed of it. So feel free to make fun of me all you want for being afraid to ask out a fellow social outcast!

While I'm technically not following this tip, I think its valid for those who don't have overwhelming social anxiety:

TIP #5: If you have a crush, then don't feel afraid to ask him/her out. (Once again, this is for people who actually have adequate social skills.)

"Hey, Mrs. Meredith, what are your thoughts on the superpower outbreak?" Some kid asks.

Mrs. Meredith stops, and thinks. "Are you asking because it's biology related or are you asking for my person thoughts on it?"

"Either or."

She sighs. "It's a difficult situation to understand. But we need to help these kids in what they're going through."

"I heard some kid could shoot lasers out of his dick," one kid says. That grabs everyone's attention, and they giggle. To me, that sounds terrifying.

Mrs. Meredith shrugs that statement off. "Mutants are not a subject to be taken lightly, but it is a fascinating topic that scientists are still looking into."

"What if one of us could be a mutant and we just don't know it?" another kid asks.

Yeah, I've thought about that a lot. And it scares me.

The conversation continues up until the bell rings. Which leads me to another tip:

TIP #6: If you want to avoid doing schoolwork for a class period, then keep the teacher off topic with a subject that s/he's vaguely interested in. It works better than you think.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

P.E. has never been my favorite activity in the world. And if you're the type of person who'll be reading something like this, it's probably not yours, either.

I understand that physical health is important. But that doesn't mean I have to like it, especially with my luck in middle school.

To put it shortly, I was 85 pounds throughout most of middle school, and yet they still expected me to do what the all-star athletes could do. Also, whenever we played a game like dodgeball, my team always. And I mean always. Just like how my Little League baseball team always lost when my aunt and uncle would force me to go and play. (They thought I needed socialization, which I didn't.) And the funny thing is that whenever I didn't go and play for my team, we won. So I guess I'm just a bad luck charm.

High school P.E. is not required by my school IF you participate in a sport, which I don't. So I'm stuck in gym class with a bunch of fellow nerds from across all grades. Luckily, I have Harry in class with me, so at least I have someone to talk to in the corner.

A feature that sounds neat but really is a big pain is that we all have heart monitors strapped on to our chests. This is to let the coaches see our heart rate because… I really don't know. Maybe they just want to shame people with a lower heart rate.

So what do us mature high school boys do in the locker room while we're trying to get our heart monitors strapped on? If you guess use the straps as literal whips, than you've guessed correctly. (And they HURT. Especially when you have your shirt off.)

I'm sitting in the locker room, trying to strap the heart monitor on, and Harry is whipping me with his strap. And when I say whipping, I mean actually whipping me. So what does the more mature one of us two do? I start whipping him back, of course. Hopefully now he knows how much it hurts.

I would hide out in the locker room for the next thirty-five minutes until the bell rings, but I actually care about my reputation, so I decide to go out and participate.

That said, if you don't care about your reputation, then here's a good tip for you:

TIP #7: Coaches do not check the locker rooms, so you're free to hide out in there if you need a break. (Keep in mind, you could get an excessive amount of absences, so be aware of that.)

Much to my disdain, we are running today.

It's not so much that I hate running, it's just that I always try my hardest while I see everyone else slacking off and walking most of the time. And today, that tradition continues.

I pass a junior boy who looks like he's having a heart attack, even though he's barely even jogging. (That said, he might actually have a heart condition for all I know, so I'll refrain from judging.) Then I pass a group of sophomore girls who are walking, and I haven't seen them run at all since we started. And the coaches don't seem to care.

TIP #8: P.E. coaches don't really pay attention, so use that to your advantage if you don't want to run.

But I decide to keep running, because I like to think that I'm a halfway decent person. But I notice something weird: I've been running a solid five minutes without slowing down.

Previous years I would already be panting, but here I feel better than ever after five minutes at a steady pace. I'm confused.

"Pete! Wait up!" I slow down, and Harry catches up to me. "When did you become so fast?"

I look down, thinking. "I… don't know."

"You're running like the Hulk, dude," Harry says. I'm not sure how much I want to be compared to a green rage monster currently being hunted by the military, but I'll take it.

Harry decides to tap out and starts walking. I suppose I'll do the same.

"Did you hear about the man with invisibility powers robbing a GameStop, but he was wearing a plastic bag on his head?" Harry asks.

"Where was this?"

"Florida," he answers. And I just realized that Florida people might now be able to get superpowers. And that is probably more terrifying than the Hulk being on the loose.

The coaches see us walking, and shot at us to get running again. Which we do.

The popular girls are still walking, and they're not getting yelled at.

Advisory that day was interesting. My advisor had an intriguing announcement to make.

"We will be taking a field trip to the zoo in a few weeks. Please get your permission forum signed by your parents." She passes out the forum. "Somehow, we always have people who don't get their forum signed. So please don't be that kid."

"What will we be doing?" a kid asks.

"I… don't know. They didn't tell us. Something for biology, I think." The fact that the school doesn't tell their staff what the field trip is about makes me raise an eyebrow.

"So we get to watch gorillas finger their butts all day? Nice," Flash says. And I'm unfortunately reminded that he exists.

My advisor just stares, not knowing how to respond.

TIP #9: Don't ask stupid questions (i.e. don't be like Flash).

"...um, what if we don't want to go?" a timid girl asks.

"I'm… not sure. Ask your parents about it," my advisor says.

Having a field trip is something that doesn't really happen as much as you get older, so this is a nice change of pace. But that reminds me of some_ really_ bad memories from field trips.

When I was in kindergarten, we went to the aquarium to look at fish. It was good, up until a kid got lost, and we had to stay there for a few hours before we could leave. In second grade, we went to museum that had a pond by it, and when we were having lunch by the pond I tripped and fell it. I had to get dry clothes from the lost-and-found, and my teacher lectured me for falling in. In third grade, we went to a bank, which was just boring. In sixth grade we went to the zoo, where I got bitten by a goat.

The last field trip we went on was last spring, where we went to a genetics lab to see scientists experiment with modifying animal DNA, which I loved, but a lot of kids hated because they're not deep thinkers. What I did not love is that one of their super spiders that they created somehow got out and bit me.

A wave of realization washes of me. I recall the doctor asking yesterday if anything abnormal happened before I got strong, and I forgot about the field trip.

Holy shit.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

I would have looked into my mutant spider bite last night, but I kind of forgot sometime after lunch. (All these classes burn you out, so don't judge me.) I'm planning on looking it up when I have time in class today.

But so far I haven't gotten a good chance. Instead, I'm stuck in second period Spanish class, trying to decipher what all these basic phrases mean. So far, I know that "Como estas Usted" means "how are you," but only when you're speaking to an adult. Other than that I'm completely lost.

My Spanish teacher wants us all to speak in Spanish as frequently as possible, so he often asks us questions in Spanish, and we're left sitting there awkwardly, unable to respond because we don't know what he's saying. (He probably gets amusement from seeing our inability. And to be fair, I probably would, too.)

The only one in my class who actually can speak Spanish somewhat fluently is Gwen, who my teacher takes a special liking to.

My thoughts drift off to her helping me with Spanish homework, until how I realize how creepy that is, and snap back to reality.

If only confessing attraction to someone was as easy as it sounds.

My Spanish teacher then announces that we'll have to write a brief description of ourselves in Spanish, and I'm officially prepared to bomb this class. The assignment is due next week, but still.

The bell rings before anyone can protest. I head off to English class.

We've been assigned a personal essay in Honors English over what advice we'd tell our younger selves. To no one's surprise, everyone in the class hates this assignment but me, who is eager to tell my younger self all the bad things not to do. (That would be a long list.)

But instead of that, I'm busy trying to find out about that spider bite. I start googling random stuff, until Mrs. Emet catches me.

"Why are you looking up spider bites on Google?" she asks, more intrigued than mad.

Well, I've officially been caught abusing my computer privileges. And I feel ashamed.

I know I am about to break this rule, but it's pretty valid in life in general.

TIP #10: Don't lie to your teachers, unless you want to make a fool out of yourself.

And make a fool of myself I did.

"Um… it's for biology class…." I lie. She's suspicious, but lets me off the hook.

"Please just focus on English, please." Thank God she actually likes me. Some people are not as fortunate.

This is off-topic, but I think it needs to be addressed. I commonly see fellow students say "this teacher HATES me," and I have a hard time believing that there isn't a good reason for it. Throughout my nine years attending school, all of my teachers have at least had some level of fondness toward me. My guess is this is because I'm quiet and actually do what I'm supposed to do, as opposed to kids who are loud and act stupid just for the sake of it. They might also feel slightly sorry for me for some reason.

So if a teacher is being harder on you than other kids, it's probably because you're doing something annoying or out of line. So before making snap judgements on teachers, just take a moment to reevaluate yourself.

TIP #11: If a teacher doesn't like you, it's probably your fault. Take a moment to look at yourself before instantly hating them back.

I go back to writing my essay, and think about what advice I would tell my younger self. All I can think of is "do your homework." I sigh as I stare at the screen until the bell rings.

The bell rings, and I'm ready to find out what's happening to me,

I've spent the past ten minutes in study hall googling "mutated spider bite," and after scrolling past poorly-drawn manga about humanoid spiders, I finally found an article by The Future Foundation (research company founded by Reed Richards, who Harry says I have a "man crush" on) which states that these mutant animals, which Future Foundation had a big role in, could potentially transmit their enhancements via body fluid contact, but that the probability of this is extremely rare and no cases have been reported.

So I'm the only one who's gotten superpowers by this experiment. I can't tell if that's really cool or really creepy. I honestly feel like a specimen now more than a person.

The realization hits me: I have somehow gotten superpowers from a freak accident. Just like how the skinny kid from Brooklyn was somehow chosen to be the world's first superhuman. Or how a small group of scientists traveled to a parallel dimension and somehow survived to become the world's greatest scientific sensations. Or how an alcoholic billionaire was kidnapped and somehow had just the right resources to create the first functioning exoskeleton.

I look at the stories of all these amazing people, and they all end in brightly colored outfits.

I can't believe I'm actually doing this.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

I know that I this was going to be a tips guide for surviving high school, and while it will still mostly be that, I'm going to make a second tips guide, this one about how to become a masked vigilante with your new superpowers. I cannot believe I just said that.

So while I'll still mostly be talking about how to make it through high school, expect me to occasionally talk about my experiences as a new crimefighter. So from here on out, I'll be labeling my tips guides as _High School Tips_ and_ Superhero Tips_. Just a heads up before I continue my adventure through the living hell we call life.

With that out of the way, where does my adventure as a superhero begin? First and foremost, I need to come up with a name.

SUPERHERO TIP #1: Make sure your name is unique. You want to make sure you have your own identity, and aren't just copying someone else.

I've been engraved in the concept of superheroes all my life, and in the world of comic books, it's easy to name yourself "simple word"-"man." That is boring. So take a piece of paper (or type on a computer if you have dysgraphia) and start writing down various names to give you options on words every possible name that comes to mind, and hopefully you'll come up with a name that doesn't end in "-man" or "-woman."

Deciding what to base your name (and costume) around can be a bit difficult. Often superheroes in comics choose a name based on the source of their power, though if you got your power from a mutated goat bite, then the name "the Goat" might not be in your best interest.

I decide to start with a spider as the basis for my name, though that might be a bit off-putting for arachnophobes. I decide they can suck it up, and start writing down possible names.

It's been five minutes, and for some reason all I can think of is "Spider-Man." But I've decided that I'm not pulling that cliché.

After twenty minutes of thinking, here's what I have down: "the Spider," "the Human Spider," "the Amazing Spider," "Arachnid," "Insect-Eater" (that one is admittedly pretty terrible), "the Mutant Spider," "Web Crawler," and "Spidey."

I say these names over and over again, and they all sound horrible.

I suppose "the Human Spider" will do as a place holder.

The next step: finding a costume.

Obviously, you probably won't have Tony Stark-level money for your first costume, so set realistic expectations. It's your first costume; it doesn't have to be fancy. When Reed Richards was trapped in an alternate dimension with freaky new powers, he salvaged parts from spare containment suits to make the first costumes for him and his friends. (I read that in his book _My Time in the Negative Zone: A Journey of Hope and Family_, which I highly recommend.) Those costumes looked horrible and cheaply made, but it was all he could manage at the time.

Luckily, I have something available to me that Reed Richards didn't: .

SUPERHERO TIP #2: When trying to gather costume pieces, Amazon is your best friend.

Now the only challenge is actually deciding what I want the suit to look like.

When designing your suit, I recommend you choose TWO primary colors, as that simplifies everything. Also, if you don't know how to sew, you're probably going to be buying most of your suit pieces separately. So be realistic with that.

I used to draw my own superheroes when I was younger, so I'm looking through a bunch of them. (I was never a good artist, but looking back, they look pretty good for a five year old.) I come across one that catches my eye: red and blue, with big goggles covering a face mask.

Quick flashback: I remember drawing this one in the middle of preschool after getting put in "time out" by my teacher for saying something offensive about another kid. (To be fair, I didn't mean anything offensive from it.) So I drew this one while I was crying in the corner. I still cringe about that moment to this day.

Still, the design looks cool, so I'll build from that. And I just realized I am basing my superhero suit after a drawing I made while crying ten years.

I search on Amazon, and with a budget of about 50 dollars, I manage to buy a red hoodie, blue sweat pants, red balaclava hood, swimming goggles, and blue fingerless gloves.

All of that under 50 dollars, which is why Amazon is the best.

"Peter!"

My body shivers, and I shut my laptop, paranoid. Aunt May walks in without knocking. (Quick tip to parents: always knock before entering your kid's room.)

"Peter, have you finished your homework?" she asks.

"Well…. no. But I will in a minute, so please-"

"Do it now."

I choose to not argue with her about this.

HIGH SCHOOL TIP #12: Don't argue with your parent/guardian about homework. It won't get you anywhere.

"What subjects do you have homework in?"

"Spanish, Algebra, and English. I can do biology in study hall tomorrow."

"Do Spanish, please. You said you were struggling in that class."

She leaves, and I reluctantly log on to Duolingo, where most of my Spanish homework is. As far as foreign language sites go, it's not bad. But it's not good, either, especially when you get countless emails from them. (I've counted around fifteen emails just from the first week.) This has actually sparked a bunch of memes, which I didn't understand until now. Yes, the memes are basically 100% true.

As I try going through my online Spanish lessons, I feel my phone buzz in my pocket. It's a text from Harry.

_Do you have anyone you want to take to homecoming?_

Yes, I do. But I'm not asking her out.

_No_, I text back.

_I'm contemplating asking out Mary Jane Watson. Should I?_

I can't tell if he's serious about asking out the "most popular" girl in our class, or if he's being sarcastic. Knowing her, she probably already has a date. Or several dates, assuming this one falls through. She's one of the kind of girl who ALWAYS needs to be dating someone, and will cycle out between boyfriends on a monthly basis. Attractive? Sure. But she's not my type.

For all I know, she isn't even aware of me or Harry's existence, so I don't see any chance he's actually going to ask her.

_Do what you want_, I text back.

HIGH SCHOOL TIP #13: Don't make a big deal out of relationships or school drama. In the end it's just a big headache.

My package containing my costume arrives in one week. And I anticipate my first mission.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 6

So my package arrived, and most everything fits, though the hoodie is a tad bit small. And while it looks like a 15 year-old's cheap attempt at a cosplay, it'll get me by for now. It's currently in my backpack, so hopefully I can keep in hidden. Then again, if it gets confiscated and checked, I'll have a lot of explaining to do.

But I'm currently stuck in geography class, waiting until the end of school so I can go forward with my first superhero "mission." But in the meantime, I'll try to pay attention.

Unfortunately, the kid next to me is listening to hard bass rap music with his AirPods, so paying attention is going to difficult.

I know this is going to sound overly judgemental, but I cannot stand the phenomenon of AirPods. This could just be that I'm annoyed with Apple for removing the headphone jack on their phones (and that I'm too poor to afford the new products), but there seems to be an underlying douchiness that goes along with having AirPods in all the time. I understand just having them to listen to music occasionally, but when you have them in all the time, it doesn't come across very attractive.

The second point I have to make is my disdain for hard bass rap music. In the past few years, hip hop has been on the rise, and everyone in my generation is blasting it at parties, in their car, and with AirPods in. To me, it all sounds monotone and ear-grading. I'm probably just out of the loop with this, but this hip hop phenomenon just seems irritating to me.

Anyway, the kid next to me is listening to some hard bass rap music with his AirPods in, and I can clearly hear every lyric.

"Hey… um, do you mind?" I ask. He doesn't her me. I suppose I'll have to tough it out.

HIGH SCHOOL TIP #13: If the kid next to you has AirPods in, and it's loud enough to where you can hear it, don't even bother.

Luckily, my geography teacher is very laid-back, so learning isn't hard or tedious. Today we're learning about propaganda in certain countries, and how it is used to shape our mindset. Apparently the only reason Captain Steve Rogers became a costumed super soldier was for propaganda purposes, and now he's known as a war hero. The more you know.

So school finally ends, and I am ready for my first outing as the Human Spider.

And by "outing" I mean patiently waiting in the bathroom for some kids to come in and start vaping, so I can pop out and bust them. Not exactly an Iron Man-level threat, but everyone has to start somewhere.

SUPERHERO TIP #3: Start small with your first mission. DON'T try and take on mob bosses right off the bat.

I've been waiting for around twenty minutes in the bathroom stall, and nobody has came in yet.

I just realized how hot it gets after twenty minutes of wearing a mask and goggles, and it's also hard to breathe. So keep that in mind when designing your costume.

I decide to take my mask off until someone comes, and I look around in the grossly sanitized bathroom.

Okay, this is very off topic and kind of uncomfortable, but I think this is a topic that absolutely needs to be addressed: bathroom sanitation.

Ever since I've been going to school, I've noticed the vast majority of boys don't flush the urinals. What is so hard about flushing a urinal? It also makes me want to vomit when I see chewed gum in the urinal. There's a damn trashcan a few feet away, and yet you spit it out in the urinal.

I just don't understand.

While I have never been in the girl's bathroom (well, actually there was one time in first grade, but I don't want to talk about that), I assume that the behavior is a lot better in there than in the boys. Public bathrooms is the reason that I sometimes wish I were a girl.

HIGH SCHOOL TIP #14: Flush the urinal after you use it. It's disgusting when you don't. And don't spit gum into it, either.

After twenty-five minutes of sitting in the stall, I hear a group of boys enter the bathroom, laughing like imbeciles. On instinct, I put on my mask, and walk out of the stall.

I look at the potential vapers, and see that they're all on the football team. (No surprise.) They look weirded out at my costume.

"Vaping in the bathroom again, I presume?"

One of them speaks. "Were you hiding out in the stall waiting for us to come in?"

"...maybe. Look, just hand over the vapes, and we can pretend this never happened."

"We're not vaping. Who are you, anyway?"

I still can't believe I'm doing this. "The Human Spider," I say.

"You look like a middle school cosplayer."

We just stare each other down for a few moments. This is awkward.

To increase the awkwardness, I speak again. "Guys, I'm not judging you if you're vaping, but please don't do it at school, okay?"

"We're not vaping, dork."

"How can I know that?"

"Just get out."

"What are you doing in here-"

The kid starts to move toward me, intimidatingly.

"OKAY! I'll leave…" I awkwardly walk past them, and out of the bathroom, careful that nobody saw me.

Well, that didn't go as planned.

SUPERHERO TIP #5: You'll probably humiliate yourself on your first outing. And that's okay. Just keep trying.

I just realized that is the most generic advice ever. Oh well.


End file.
